My American Life
(Nasally voice) I’m not invincible. In fact, I’m very vincible. My vincibility was further demonstrated to me this past weekend through a series of events where my recovery was far from Wolverinic. This entry will be divided two acts.
Act 1: Vampiric Summer
It was a warm, humid Saturday night. Humans weren’t intelligently designed for the outdoors, yet I was outside anyway, out of courtesy for a friend’s birthday party. Throughout the evening, while I was playing my games and trying to socialize, I was repeatedly skewered by insects like a pincushion. By the next day, my skin had erupted in scratchy, itchy irritation. Why do I have so much blood? Had I been aware of God sending a mosquito plague, I would have first taken a dip in a bathtub of DEET.
Act 2: The Predator in the Corner
Not long after was another incident in the middle of the night, after I had woken up from my beloved REM. My throat parched, I made an attempt to retrieve water from my household plumbing, which is inconveniently not placed next to my bedside. As I swiftly zigzagged my way to the sink a corner jutted out right in my path. And as I walked past, I swiped the edge of my pinky toe, leaving me to cringe in pain. The initial jolt subsided, but a dull pain remained. As I scurried back to my bed (in the post-college years, I no longer run, I just scurry), I noticed this dull pain getting stronger and stronger. I finally get up to inspect for any broken bones on my very fragile pinky toe, only to discover it covered in blood (blood that had not already been sucked by critters the night prior). Hastily I bounded out of bed to give it medical attention, and also to find that I had unknowingly splattered blood across my pristine white carpet during my nocturnal scamper.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH funny funny
I totally thought this was a clip from NPR until I read Act 2.
Also, this post, your previous post from last year, and my most recent post all mention vampires. Weird.